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Small-Community Ideas that Work: Four Qualities of a Good Listener


Are you a good listener? Do you recognize a good listener when you are speaking? What qualities and characteristics come to mind when you think about good listeners? See if these four are also on your list.
 
Vulnerability invites each of us to reflect on this question: How do I measure my ability to expose my mind and heart to another’s thoughts and experience?
This characteristic of a good listener, vulnerability, speaks of an openness to what is being said, so much so that you as listener may experience discomfort due to unexpected aspects of the sharing. Being a good listener may also expose you to the pain, complexity, and frustration of the human condition. There are no preconceived ideas here.
 
Acceptance moves each of us to ask: Do others have to fit into my way of being and doing?
This quality says, “I take you at face value and don’t have a mold into which you must fit. I give you respect and reverence which make God’s love present.
 
Expectancy prompts each of us to wonder: Do I hope for good things to happen in my interaction with others?
The value in expectancy is the belief that we will arrive at greater truth and awareness of the beauty of each other. The heart of hope searches for the good.
 
Constancy makes us sensitive to this plea: “Please don’t excuse yourself as I express myself.” Do you have a pocketful of “how to get away” expressions?
The beauty of this attribute is that no matter what, I will stay until you have finished sharing. I will not interrupt, and I certainly won’t finish your sentence or story. Such faithfulness can be challenging. In the face of difficult, repetitious, or complicated talk a constant listener is a true reflection of God’s faithfulness.
 
These four qualities invite us to consider how we listen to others and to pray for the grace of God to transform us when we find ourselves struggling or unable to do so.
 
From Sowing Seeds: Essentials for Small Community Leaders, based on On Listening to Another by Douglas V. Steere

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